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December 04, 2002
12:37:41 AM
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This section will explain in further detail the various terms and situations that double action viewers utilize when watching films.  Take caution; some of these descriptions are quite vivid.

Picture Terms
Antic Level - This describes the highest form of antics that the movie was capable of generating from double action viewers. See a further description below.

BIM - Bodies In Motion . This term is used to describe scenes in films in which one or more bodies, usually people, find themselves flying helplessly, often comically through the air with no way of stopping themselves. They become puppets in the air, an almost poetic motion, worthy of the heartiest laugh. Special awards should be given to movies in which non-humanoid life forms find themselves experiencing BIM.

Bookmarked Scenes - These are scenes that a DA viewer will mentally file away during a primary viewing for future references during conversations detailing hilarious over-the-top movie scenes. They play a crucial role in the subsequent viewings at the local $1.50 theaters for lightning fast antics on demand, and usually incur a 25% increase in laughter volume over the primary viewing.

Buffer Zone - This describes the number of friends (sometimes no longer after a good viewing) that must be invited to the movie theater to surround you to help prevent other movie goers from suffering the direct effects of 120dB laughter.

Conventional Rating - This is a rating for the normal  moviegoer to look at and consider whether or not the film is worth seeing. After all, it may take time for some people to become a certified double action movie enthusiast, and double action viewers are also capable of recognizing high quality movies as well.

Double Action Rating - This is the primary rating, measured in sore throat lozenges/cough drops, that were required to soothe a double action reviewer's throat from laughter during the course of the film. 4 lozenges is the highest rating, with 0 being a complete waste of time (from a DA perspective). It is theoretically possible to utilize more than 4 lozenges, but at this time only the Sudden Death Penguin Fight Scene has approached this theoretical limit.

Hoist Machine - A double action term for a device that directors use, called a "ratchet", to achieve BIM. There are many different angles and rates at which bodies fly across screens. By far the most effective is the sudden backwards acceleration in which a character(s) find themselves accelerating so rapidly that they find their hands and legs parallel to the ground. Also the directors get the best effect when the movement is delayed slightly then rapidly ensues. Honorable mention goes to Independence Day and From Dusk Till Dawn in which both movies have aliens/vampires in hoist machines.

Laughter Utilization - This is a measure of how much laughter capacity was used during the film, averaged over most of the bookmarked scenes. It is measured with relation to the maximum output possible from a reference film. At this time, Sudden Death, starring Jean-Claude VanDamme, showcasing his extended fight scene with the penguin mascot reigns over all films.

Newton's First Law of Motion - A body continues in a state of rest, or motion with a constant velocity, unless compelled to change by an unbalanced force. This law is often violated in movies with excessive BIM, a good precursor to a high double action rating. Prime examples can be found in movies directed by John Woo, where motorcyclists find their bikes continue to slide on pavement for distances up to a mile after they have fallen off of them. Another example can be found in The Long Kiss Goodnight, where an 18 wheeler continues to slide for almost a mile after toppling over, giving Charlie a prime opportunity to leap off onto another vehicle. Clearly these movie events occur in a frictionless world, where double action viewers reign.

Primary Viewing - The first viewing of a movie, usually during opening weekend, in which the audiences are most likely to be shocked / offended due to their inability to hear the film during key action sequences (even in THX theaters) as tremendous laughter emanates from the double action viewer(s) location. This is also the time during which scenes are bookmarked.

Proximity Indicator - The probability of a male and female having sexual relations increases exponentially the closer their bodies come to one another. This is usually the result of heightened arousal after both characters have witnessed BIM. Special Note : This is also true for female / female sexual relations in B rated thriller movies.

SBC - Stallone Battle Cry - The sound that Sylvester Stallone utters whenever he is running away from an explosion behind him.  Double Action viewers duplicate this sound for scenes from other movies where this situation occurs.  It is especially effective when applied to non-humanoid forms.  A key example is a scene from Independance Day in which a dog is showcased leaping away from an explosion.  Either Stallone's voice or that of a dog howling is an appropriate enhancement.

SDSPL - Sudden Death Sound Pressure Levels - Measured in decibels-dB. A decibel is a unit used to express sound pressure levels; specifically, 20 times the logarithm of the ratio of the measured sound pressure to a reference quantity, 20 micropascals. In hearing testing, the unit used to express hearing threshold levels is referred to audiometric zero. The loudest tolerable sound that a human can hear without causing hearing damage is 120dB (a jet engine at 50 feet generates 140dB) Double Action viewers can generate levels of laughter of this magnitude on a regular basis during first rate BIM, but this barrier has been broken in a special case, during the film Sudden Death. See the Highest Laughter Utilization Scene. Any scene that is remarkable in its laughter inducement may be worthy of the distinction SDSPL, to indicate its quality to other viewers.

SHT - Standard Hollywood Tripe - Scenes in movies that are deliberately placed in for a cheap laugh, which usually results in a stern face and crossed arms by DA viewers.

SRH - Sudden Realization of Horror - The moment from which a character in a movie finds them selves split between two completely conflicting emotions. Complete happiness or calm one instant, utter horror the next. Rare to find in some films, easiest to find on shows such as America's Funniest Home Videos  and video tapes such as Caught on Camera .

Virgin Viewers - People that have not yet seen a movie with Double Action viewers and are unknowingly invited along. They are often so surprised that they are either in total shock or are afraid to admit they are secretly enticed by such enlightened movie viewing techniques.

Why Me??? - This is the expression / gesture that a character makes when they realize that their demise is only micro seconds away. This usually entails a facial expression of a cry for help, coupled with outstretched palms facing skyward. These situations are so hilarious because the expendable character doesn't do anything that might help them get out of this situation (for example jumping away from an oncoming car/train/miscellaneous object) and instead spends their last fleeting moments on Earth crying out for help. Their cries are answered - by laughter.

XBC - Xena Battle Cry - The cry that Xena, Warrior Princess, utters whenever she flies through the air towards a foe.  Double Action viewers duplicate this sound as best they can for any scene in which contains BIM.  This is best applied when one DA viewer executes a DPCS and another utters XBC simultaneously in the theater.  This almost certainly guarantees that the movie's soundtrack becomes masked by the DA viewers antics. Check out the battle cry firsthand:


Picture Antics
SP - Single Point - This describes a situation where the viewer must point with one arm raised at the screen. This is very effective in two instances. 1.) The scene is not really all that funny. 2.) The scene is extremely funny but would be considered grossly inappropriate by the audience and thus get you kicked out of the theater.

DP - Double Point - This describes a situation where the viewer must point with both arms raised at the screen. Many scenes are worthy of this motion.

DPC - Double Point Cubed - This means that both of the viewers arms are raised pointing at the screen while hollering in laughter, three times in succession.

DPCS - Double Point Cubed Standing - This means that both of the viewers arms are raised pointing at the screen while hollering in laughter, three times in succession, while standing up in the theater. Only action movies with extreme humor in them can achieve such a level.

DPCSAP - Double Point Cubed Standing Alternating Polarity- A situation where both of the viewers arms are raised, pointing three times at the movie screen, but with each arm alternating its position from top position to bottom position. This provides a very visually stimulating experience for Buffer Zone bodies to witness, as it is both elegant and frightening when executed with sufficient forcefulness...

DPCSIT - Double Point Cubed Standing Independently Tracking- This means that both of the viewers arms are raised, but one arm is pointing at the screen while the other is sighting multiple Buffer Zone bodies and the surprised looks on their faces. This is supplemented with gut wrenching laughter, three times in succession, all while standing.

ADPCS - Alternating Double Point Cubed Standing - This means that both of the viewers arms are raised pointing at the screen while screaming in laughter, alternating each arm three times in succession, while standing up in the theater. Only action movies with humor of the highest order can be deemed worthy of this distinction.


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